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Still Kirkin'

by Kirk Stevens

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1.
Monday night's all right for dump trucks and pearls Coughing up that lung, I know you will You get headaches from the rain There's butter on my shirt No need to explain, it's been happening since I was a kid Thumbing a band aid And it feels good on paper I'll scream from every single rooftop "I want you smart" It shouldn't be that hard I comb through this cesspool of a Saturday night Those cokeheads that you know, they don't seem fine You linger like laundry, damp in the wind But judging from those shoes, I should let you in There's a killer on the loose Anything to get you through You'll lead the way by flashlight's gleam Peering through the trees, when suddenly I drop my cell phone, hit my funny bone The map I'm drawing isn't sprawling far I got diarrhea in a punk bar I never X'd my fist but I got behind the idea Everyone is sleepy and groovy in the morning by the pool
2.
There will be no drums (the timing was off) Everyone I know has a doppelgänger in New York Wind chimes woke me up the day the world ended Garbage trucks were patrolling the streets And my slowly changing brain kept me awake chemically Keep me sun drunk and fucked Scraping shit out the bottom of a fryer There's a wedding I won't be invited to There's a future that's less than crystal clear So for the first time in forever we'll get the old band back together And travel anywhere but here Come on, you know it could be fun You're not good enough for me I'll poke my head out of the murky water And I'll whisper "I know I'm here" I'm no longer your genius answer to your pretty little damaged prayers
3.
Save me from my self-esteem I want you in therapy I liked you more in the in-between I saw the codes change Put me in your inner loop I need to know the truth Show me some living proof that the supper's burned You can put the fire in my belly out baby A pain sensation rushing through me completely Welcome to Rock Bottom, enjoy your stay Syrup coat my frosted lungs Feel the prickles on your tongue Once again I caught the bug I'll hide behind my layers I wonder how and where you are Turn the clock back a bit too far To days when you borrowed my car I'll hide behind my hair The first and only time I saw a grand slam my brother turned to me and said, "This is a sign." A few months later I didn't get into any schools so I returned to the original one. The first and only time I ate a free Grand Slam I was surrounded by my soon to be close friends. A few months later we got things going, didn't we?
4.
Ice Cubes 03:29
I was the first one to turn 23 Well, that's not totally true No, no entirely Cause I could tell you a story about two bugs And how I never ever had the courage to go and get myself stung By a yellow jacket swarm or a person I adore So someone flick the marble Make sure the children have their bottles I was told I seemed sincere on a coast so different from my own Does it run in your blood? Wonder what your bare back looks like with you lying face down on my futon Hear the sound of ice cubes on plastic coming up the stairs, it's tragic Thought I saw an older you - an older version of you. Thought about the future then I clocked out I wanna strike a chord in you Have you kiss the tiny cuts on my hands from the winter wind and make it run in your blood
5.
idkwia 02:09
I will follow you down the rabbit hole Let the earth swallow me, spit out my bones Every inch of you - puzzle pieces in my room I can make you moan She had crazy red hair like a children's book character I'll never see again Those familiar smells are cyclical The name of the dance: I Don't Know Who I Am Spotlight on the overbite I wanted you to be capable and responsible for me Every fucked up inch of twisted logic that keeps you sane and claiming your toxic has worn out my wardrobe You like being broken You're flirting with Harlem You took a year from me
6.
You're off to the races when you bleed on me I'm an open wound in a crowded room It's embarrassing Well I'm angry for the first time in what feels like years But that's all right. It's all right. So you work your charm and extract the root You were always a good witch It's not how I would want to go but it's what he wanted Well you made it through a hurricane but you left an earthquake behind But you had to. I guess you had to. So I'd let you leave your lipstick smeared on my cheek It wouldn't change a thing I mean I am unqualified I know it was drunken but it seemed sincere Sincere enough that I'm singing this here You bloodshot motherfucker, I wish you were dead Silent film nights all black, white, and red
7.
Can I pull your boots off? Can I use my powers for good? I'll show you my paint brush as long as you don't keep me in your pocket "Oh I felt sad, I felt free" For a minute it actually seemed like you cared about me Let's work together to write a prescription for self-diagnosed insanity It's cold like my corner teeth It knows how to irritate It's probably a cavity from all the peanut butter and apples "Oh be discreet, try not to stain cushions. Don't make a peep while my friends sleep." Here I stand, a man abandoned. Completely deserved. Good night. Good morning.
8.
Lotto 02:44
I started the new year disappointing you Had a Pennsylvania lotto ticket in my breast pocket And I don't know else I'd do if I stayed here any longer but I wouldn't be a failure And you look happy in your new green valley that I never thought you'd find What the fuck happened back there? Think about this stuff so much it hits you in your gut and now I'm scared of the chicken bones, the hospice, the church bells playing all the hits from the radio silence that you give me Comin' at you all morning long I've been saving your mail in hopes that I don't lose you I've been wishing you well in case the blizzard traps you It's just you and me and anxiety baby We haven't been in the same room in five years I dozed off at a diner in Queens My lips puffed up, I reacted poorly We part ways and tell ourselves we'll do this more often and for better reasons Is this the difference between young adult and adult? We don't have fun, we just talk of the good days It takes me too damn long to finish a book
9.
Watering Can 02:49
I bought you a watering can for your birthday but the timing was off Cole Porter and fog When I got to certain parking lots I search for bumper stickers on certain cars so I know what I'll have to stomach when I walk in Life's not something you can wrap in a neutral bow Somewhere there's a secret cemetery and that scares me Although I don't remember where it is Please don't talk to me Put a little heart on the date you found a mate I still have that rock on my dresser So you're a woman with needs Is that such a terrible thing? I don't think so, I just think if you needed to fill your withdrawal well then you should've known who to call Did you plant the seeds? Did you read the secret histories I got for your birthday? I don't want to kill myself I just want lightning to strike me down I only met your mom that one time And you say it's sporadic Then you say it's meaningless I'm not longer nomadic Yeah I've unpacked my bags La la la la la la la
10.
O jarring youth On the brink of something no one else knew Like secrets of the universe A scrapbook of people who hate you O Alice Blue and Ben Full of grocery bags and plans They transfer sadness At least one book is second hand Siren or skateboard Birthmark or bruise A brand new car or two O slow fade to blustery days I feel like an alien most days It's all in my brain The piercing blade of the word "strange" Will you come out of the woodwork for the kosher buffet? Is a sympathy card on it's way?
11.

credits

released October 11, 2018

All music and lyrics written by Kirk Stevens
Recorded, mixed, and mastered by Dave D'Amico in Brooklyn, NY in 2018.

Kirk Stevens - vocals, guitars, bass
Dave D'Amico - drums, vocals on track #3
Hannah Dishman - vocals on track #4

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Kirk Stevens

silly person with mostly sincere songs

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